Guests

Great weekend for guests. Beth, Bill, Marlee and Grace Ann came to visit; it was especially fun since the Cawdreys came down from Montanta to visit.

Steve and Nancy Cawdrey founded and ran a school in Montana based upon a log cabin - wilderness experience model, believing that kids need to be in a envirnment that focuses on internal issues (emotional literacy). Most students came from the paralyzing influence of wealth to an Abe Lincoln experience. The individuality and toughness that you see in my chidren was forged at their School - Spring Creek.

Steve is retired and Nancy artistic magic has bloomed as a Western Artist whose material draws on her wordwilde experiences. Her website is worth a look!

Carole is doing very well grieving her Mom's death and has things in hand to celebrate her life at a church service in Sharon Pa in late April.

Since I have not seen a doctor for 3 weeks and have had not lab or x-ray, there is no bad news. However, I have an appointment at the end of the week.

For the past 20 years, I have tried to listen Bach's St Matthew Passion each Good Friday. Even if you do not uderstand German, it will reach your spirit/soul - try it.

Finally, I put up some pics of the weekend. Click and check it out

.

We are closing with a picture of the Cawdreys

The Beauty of It

One of the reasons I live in Fresno is to be close to the Sierras - especially Yosemite. When I first came to the Left Coast in 1968 I was unprepared for the grandness of Yosemite. As I visited the park more and more I fell in love with it. This weekend, Carole and I spent a lovely 3 days in the park. The day after we arrived, it snowed and it was breath taking. We were able to have dinner and brunch at the Awahnee Hotel - surely one of the seven wonders of the USA. To see some pictures, click here.

Otherwise we seem fine, except a lot of things are up in the air - my disabilty status, Carole's retirement plan, High Sierra. However, all things are headed in the right direction!

I would especially like to thank Ken V. - my friend - and long time Yosemite employee, for setting up our dinner and brunch at the 'Queens' table.

Lots of guests this upcoming weekend and we are excited. Stay tuned.

Peace and Health,

Bill

A Sad Time

It is a sad and reflective time at our house.

Carole's Mom, Gunelda Hall, passed away in her sleep at the age of 92 yesterday afternoon at her residence at Sunrise. There are probably not a nicer and more honest couple on this planet than Gunelda Hall and Sherman Hall. The qualities we all admire in Carole came from somewhere, or as they say, the acorn does not fall far from the tree. Gunelda has a burial plot next to her husband in Sharon PA, and after the spring thaw were will have a grave-side interment service for her. When Mrs. Hall first come to Fresno she lived quite independently at a Retirement Community but as her age advanced, she moved to Sunrise Center where had very caring staff and friends. She had a full and rewarding life and left three wonderful children. It was my lucky day to have Gunelda as my mother-in-law.

Next weekend we will be travelling to Yosemite for a meeting - 3 days - it is especially beautiful this time of year with the big water and snow. Good time for pictures.

Healthwise, Carole and I are fine - being off chemo for awhile is kind of nice since I have been it continuously for 1 1/2 year and forgot what 'normal' is like.

My resolution of my disability insurance is in good hands and hopefully it will be resolved soon so I do not have to depend on Carole for an 'allowance'.

Anyway, remember Gunelda Hall is your thoughts and prayers.

Peace and Health.

Up and Down

Within the last couple of weeks, my PSA has decided to leave the plateau; my oncologist has concluded that it is time again to change the game plan. The good news is I will be off the heavy chemo so my hair will come back and perhaps some energy. Instead we are going to do "secondary hormone manipulation" which means more pills and less shots. The good news is I feel fine and the blood test is just that. I do not have a followup for a month, so we will wait and see.

We spent a great weekend in Southern California and got to see some good basketball, all the grandkids and a fine Ruth's Chris dinner.

Partial retirement suits me well - can get enough rest and enjoy the slower pace.

In two weeks we go to Yosemite for a few days to attend a medical meeting. Hopefully the roads will be clear.

Carole has tentatively set early September for her retirement as Emergency Department Director - may a cruise afterward.

Stay tuned.

Insurance Companies &%#@aghhhh

In 1992 I downsized my medical practice to take a postiion with the CA Department of Voc Rehab and in 1995 joined in forming Northwest Medical Group. Therefore 1/2 of my income comes from medical practice and 1/2 from the position with the State. To protect our income at Northwest, the doctors have a policy that provides partial income if they are unable to practice at Northwest due to injury or illness. I stopped working in October and applied for disability payments but today my claim was rejected. Amazing. Even though my income has dropped in 1/2 since October due to cancer treatments, the Insurance company says I make too much money working part time with the State of California and refuses to give me a penny. Go figure; but then it has been my experiences that insurance companies try as hard as they can to NOT take care of you when you need it in order to show profit to the shareholders. I am sure this will be worked out but going to the matresses with the insurance company is not in my peace and harmony plan.

Two days ago I received my 4th chemotherapy treatment with Taxatiere and now today I feel like I a hit a wall - amazing - it comes on in about 1/2 hour and you head for bed - should last a couple of days then bounce back. When last checked my counts look OK but I will not know the definitive counts for three weeks - so why worry at this point.

I try each day to find graditude and acceptance but today it was a little difficult to be grateful for Standard Insurance, but I am sure they are full of good people there in Portland.

Last weekend Peter and Nichole came up - it was wonderful. Peter shot an 80 at the country club - two great meals and just a a wonderful time.

Anyway, I am planning to start to swing a golf club to keep up my conditioning and hopefully can get enjoying the Fresno Sunshine.

One Love

Liam

BTW - the pic is me nailing a shot at Wailea

A Warm Weekend in Southern California in February

The nice thing about having Chemo every 21 days insead of weekly is that the week before the next dose, you feel pretty good. We ventured to LA (West Hills) and Santa Barbara. We were able to see Galactic at the House of Blues in West Hollywood and they did not disappoint with two great sets (10:45 - 1:15) encoring with 'a song about New Orleans' ---> When The Levy Breaks by Led Zep.

Sunday we went to SB - the weather was just perfect and we had a great day at the beach and wharf.

With three grand children, I have plenty of joy and right now things seem to going the right way, especially since the Steelers won the SuperBowl.

We are all going to Strawberry Music Festival Memorial Day and that should be a great time for family fun.

To see pictures of the weekend, click here.

Cruisin' On Chemo

The new chemo formula seems to be working in that my "bad" numbers have fallen 25%; however, some of my "good" numbers dropped (white blood count) and are now back to normal. The third treatment cycle will begin in three days.

My son Steve and I managed to score some 'epic' tickets to the Denver Bronco v. New England Patriot game a week ago and we had a marvelous weekend in Denver, including some adventures in the LoDo.



I have applied for disability from my clinical practice as I am not able to work at the pace the doctors at Northwest demand, due mostly to my chemotherapy. I have no problem with my Medical Consultant position at the Calif Dept of Vocational Rehabilitation and plan to stay there indefinitely. I could do a limited practice in a more flexible and compassionate Medical Group and have been approached about this, but my oncology physician has recommended against it. I have not worked at Northwest since October 18 and find that I am 'healthier' both mentally and physically, and getting the rest I need.

Actually Carole is more stressed than me with the total revamping at Saint Agnes that has followed Sister Ruth's departure.

There will be no Burning House Fest this Spring - we are going to Strawberry Music Festival and to a wedding in early June in Minnesota and our efforts will be directed there.

Keep in touch.

Year End 2005

(Thats Emily Elizabeth Kennedy!)

One of my favorite poems is Carl Sandburg's FOG - and it seems that fog comes in and out of my life "on little cat feet". Christmas started well but soon the Baptist Flu* took over and variously affected all my children, 66 % of my grandchildren, Carole and me and my son-in-law. And now, the fog has traveled on. In the meantime, I had to cancel my trip with Fresno State football to Memphis - I was looking forward to some football bowl style, but I couldn't get out of bed for three days.

Having chemo once every three weeks is so different - so I hope this stabilizes things for a while, so I can enjoy more "drug free" days.

Going back to medical practice is probably not feasible in the near future, so I am at least looking at some other options and will have to make a decision in the next week or two.

So, for today, things are good. Tommorrow is another year. Happy New Year.



*The 'flu' seemed to have come home with my grand-daughter Marlee from the Baptist private school she attends, hence "Baptist" flu.

Getting Ready For Christmas

Its like night and day - getting chemo with five drugs every 3 weeks out of four, to now only one drug every three weeks. Sooo, at least for the time bieng my life is not being dictated by my chemo schedule, although it still is being limited by some side effects of the chemo (Will I have to undergo hair loss agin?)

The holidays are approaching and with all the enlarging family (three grandchildren) it is becoming more family oreinted rather than Mum's Champagne and hanging out.

Anyway, the vibe is good.

Bill

Been A Long Time

No posts since October - no news is good new they say.

A week ago we returned from 9 days in Hawai'i. We spend Thanksgiving and the week thereafter at Wailea. Wailea is sort of a Disneyland for people who make too much money or have a large credit card line. Anyway, during our vacation each day there are only four decisions: when do we go to the beach; when do we play golf, when do we shop; and where do we eat tonight. Its a pretty simple and low stress life. I was in Hawai'i during the recent losses of the Fresno State football team and although the games were braodcast nationally, I was playing golf - so I had to read about it in the Maui newspaper.

The FMLA (medical leave of absence from Clinical Practice) has been restoring and has given me enough time to get things done at the pace my illness allows.

As to my illness and treatment: good news and bad news. First the bad news - my PSA has been creeping up and not plateauing as we would have liked, so we are going to undergo a new treatment plan - single drug once every three weeks. The good news: I feel quite healthy; the new therapy does not have the toxicity of the olde therapy, the new therapy is more effective than the old therapy according to recent studies and has to be administered only one day per every three weeks. Oh yes - more hair loss but I have an abundance of hats to wear.

Whats up next - Christmas in Woodland Hills and New Years in Memphis at the wonderous Peabody Hotel (Fresno State is in the Liberty Bowl NYE).

I Made a 25 slide PowerPoint file - but I can figure out how to display it.

See you soon.

Peace and Health

A Fork In The Road

A few hours ago, I saw my last "office" patient for a few months, as I am now on an indefinite Medical Leave and looking in other directions for a while. This decision has been a time of reflection and although I do not feel 'burnt out', there is a bit of an exhaustion beyond just my health.

What I will miss the most is the special privledge of being with people on their journey. This has not changed for the past 30 years. I am just as humbled now as I was long ago. Medicine has given me rewards beyond any expectation: a wonderful opportunity to serve, a comfortable life for my family, intellectual challenges, association with some of the best people on earth, and exposure to a world I never imagined existed.

What I will not miss, is the evolution of primary care medicine into a gimmee gimmee experience, replete with greed, self-service, political correctness and manipulation. More and more patients seem to want something other than appropriate medical care: i.e. Vicodin, a written excuse to slack from work, Viagra for a lousy sex life, to stop their spouse from drinking, to get sedatives, more Vicodan, telephone Rx for antibiotics; after a while you start to feel like a well paid drug pusher. All too often, patients do not want your opinion, your concern, your medical expertise anymore than they want that from the corner drug dealer.

What perhaps is the more unpleasant gimme experience are the Insurance Companies and HMOs that seems to know better than me how to care for patients and routinely try to convince me and the patient that the cheaper drug is actually better treatment rather than the truth: that cheaper drugs mean bigger profits. Getting scans and care for my sick patients has deteriorated into a grovel and a plea on behalf of the patient. My ability to grovel seems more important than my ability to make medical decisions. I think the patient's fear that if they get a catastrophic illness, their HMO/INS company will abandon them, is a very realistic concern.

Perhaps that is why I gravitate toward senior and long-term care: these folks are the people of the greatest generation, who have nothing but gratitude. And because they have been neglected by insurance companies and the greedy medical predators, you rarely have to grovel, or make excuses, in order to provide outstanding care.

No-one particularly cares that none of my HIV patients in the last 10 years have died, that none of my arteriosclerotic or diabetic patients have been amuptated, that none of my hypertensive or diabetic patients have had to go on kidney dialysis, that all my transplant patients are alive and well - what seems to count more is my speed at Rxing the Vicodan or pulling strings to get 'em into the dermatologist for a brown spot or saving a few bucks for the HMO.

Do not get me wrong - I am extremely grateful for what has been my medical practice, but the constant 'demands' by insurance, HMOs and unhappy people eventually dulls your edge.

Hope a rest after 30 years of continuous medical practice infuses new energy. My personal philosophy is that of the Hard Rock Cafe: Love All - Serve All

Peace and Health...

Emily

Well, my grandaughter Emily is 11 days old and I have yet to hold her. Next weeknd perhaps; probably for the best as I have been out all last week due to a persistent and sapping cold-bronchitis (or as my Doctor said: at least its not pneumonia).

I finished my second week of Cycle 14 Chemotherapy without incident last Friday and am looking forward to my upcoming FMLA (MEDICAL LEAVE) from Northwest Medical Group. AFter a year of chemotherapy, I am beginning to realize that I probably can not meet my contractual obligations to NW (so many patients per hour, etc) due to the many effects and side effects of the chemo. After the FMLA, I will be looking into working at a diferent pace - perhaps less patients per hour - we will see.

I went with my brother to the Fresno State vs. New Mexico State football game in Las Cruces NM last weekend and I really noticed the fatigue factor - especially trying to stay upright thru the game in the rain.

Next weekend is the awaited trip to SoCal and Santa Barbara after completing Cycle 14.

Stay tuned.

Time For A Rest

Well the news is good. My PSA has stopped rising and actually falling after cycle 13. So there willl be no changes in the current plan, although my oncologist feels that after a year of chemotherapy, one often needs to mix it up a bit.

I have been talking with my oncologist about the need for some cutting back on my very 'workaholic' lifestyle and he and I think it is time for a rest.

So, after October 14, I will be taking a medical leave for several months. This is not because my health is failing, but a year of chemotherapy ahs taken it's toll and I need some time to get back into shape and start taking better care of myself. I will continue with the Dept of Voc Rehab and Fresno State and he sundry other projects I am involved in.

Sooo, I will be out of practice for most of the rest of the year with the hope that I can return in 2006 - rested, slimmed, relaxed and ready-2-go!

Anyway, I am very pleased with the treatment paln so far and I am looking forward to seeing the inside of fitness gym. I am also grateful beyond description for the support and concern for everyone, especailly the prayer circles!

Stay tuned!

Sunday 9-11

I am currently in the middle of Cycle 13 (or is it 14?). My chemo-doc has been on vacation for a week or so, so I get in and out on chemo day (Friday).

Nothing new to report as far as health issues other than the effects of the chemo vary week to week -- last week I had no problem playing golf on Sunday - this Sunday I was lethargic and could not get off the couch (or perhaps Steelers football has something to do with the couch syndrome).

Went to see the Eagles with bro David and Sylvia - so good.

Next weekend I have tix up front to see Carlos - this is a big dose of goodness. I joined the fan club and get tix up in front in return.


Speaking of up front - Fresno State looks like a machine - solid football and next week is going to be the test - Oregon at Oregon.

We are on the clock with the Emily Elizabeth watch.



Only real issue is fatigue - especially after grinding in the office - we will see.

Cheers....

39th Anniversary

Yesterday was our 39th wedding anniversary and I executed a suprise weekend for us.

Friday, we drove to Napa and stayed at a Bed and Breakfast called The Blue Violet Mansion. This wonderful Queen Anne Victorian is managed by a delightul man named Roger from the U.K. I highly recommend it. Here is a pic of us on the steps.



We had a great meal at Celadon!

We arranged to play a round of golf at the Chardonnay Golf Club and this was also a treat.



The big treat was a ride on the Wine Train - a 3 hour trip 30 miles up the road to St Helena aboard a 1950 domed dining car with a goumet meal and the trimmings.



Health Issues

Well, I have completed 12 cycles of chemotherapy (that's 36 days laying in the chair with infusions being pumped into you) and I am a heck of a lot better than when I started. The exact 'cocktail' has been adjusted on and off and it may need some further tweaking, but I am grateful.

I am thankful for my family and friends for the support and encouragement. I am also thankful to those at work who have allowed me extra time off and have been tolerant of some of the accomdoations a cancer patient may need. For those folks who are not tolerant, what can I say.

Whats Next

Well, the countdown has begun until it is time be a be a grand-dad again (can you believe 4 weeks!), Hawaii is coming up in a few months and oh-yes - Vegoose in Vegas for Halloween.

Talk to you later.

Saturday - August 6

Well Here is An Update

I have been off chemo for 13 days and I pretty much feel detoxed. Today I reviewed my numbers: the PSA has a creepy but the PAP is down. The PP is the most accurate way to telling bone porgression so we are sticking to the game plan: estramustane X 3 days, Kytril/Decadron/Zoadronic acid/Taxol/Zoldaex/Procrit. Overall I feel pretty good. No medical marijuana YET!

Home

Went to SB last weeknd for Stevie Nick (old chicks rule), golf with Peter and birthday in West Hills.

Went to Rubys in LA for a Marlee birthday - Grace had a good time!



Business

Work is the same. I got a real big cake for my birthday. The Execx Committe had a party to discuss my

Hunter Thomspon

attitude but I have been asked to not talk about it unless you have an MDity degree - but it is kind of cute. As Hunter said: I don't advocate sex, drugs, violence, and insanity but it sure worked for me.

Well the course is set for the next three weeks...

Parting Comments:

"When life seems like easy street, there is dnager on your door" Garcia/Hunter

"You know it takes a lot to win and even more to lose; yuou and I got to spend some time deciding whch to choose. Don't you you gottas watch you cards and play them slow... Garcia/Hunter

Love all

Grace and Fan Club

Cycle XII (12) - July 08, 2005

Cycle 11 is done - 12 started today.

Starting my 34th Treatment Day- Yikes.

Nothing to report on my 'numbers' other than I am anemic still, but my PSA and other scary things won't be in until next week. I have had last weekend off so I was able to go to High Sierra for a 5 night weekend and have a real good time - Grandkids, Daughter and hubby, wonderful brother Dave and his Mrs., -->> 2 days Playing Golf at Graeagle and of course - The Music.

Nothing much else is new, hence no blog additions as I do not want to bore you. Actually, my health appears so good that people are starting to treat me as a slacker (my medical group wonders why I don't work more - ANS: I have been getting toxic and lethal drugs that knock the mierda out or you for a few days). Probably a good sign - I don't look like I have a fatal illness.


At High Sierra, we stayed a few minutes drive south of Quincy (which is 60 miles north of Truckee) at the Long Valley Resort - we stayed in Cabin 11 with Beth and family. We had two generous bedrooms, full kitchen, dining area, LR, 2 baths, a a covered front porch with chairs, table and BBGril. We hated to leave the premises. If you are thinking of going to High Sierra next year and don't want to camp with people on Acid at 3 am screaming "Theres bats in my tent and I can't feel my testicles", think about Long Valley.

At Long Valley, cell phones do not work, horses are in the pasture, the other guests are really friendly and you are in a golf Mecca; the managers are quality A++ people.

On the home front, Marlee's birthday is coming up (July 29th), Jen is having a baby shower for Emily (still in the pouch), and my birthday is early Aug. My kids are getting older - just think: Thomas Jefferson wrote the

Declaration of Independence

when he was 2 years younger than my daughter Beth.

Bye for now -

PS Want to find out who your true friends are: get cancer or go to jail - you will be suprised both ways.

Remember - Love All - Serve All

June 11, 2004

Chemo Update - Cycle 10-A

We seem to be on a 'run' since my biological markers (PSA) are the lowest they have been in a year and: my hair is back, my bone marrow needs less support and my recovery time each week is more tolerable! Onward and upward, although sitting in a doctors ofice with a needle in your arm for 5 hours weekly for 10 months seems to be a little tiring.

In Other News

Last night I got to fulfill a dream of a life time - it was the most fun I have had in the last 31 years with my clothes on! My friend Doug Noble, has gasoline in his veins and motor oil in his spinal fluid and now has a Kellson drag car with a nice Chevy engine with the trimmings. We went to Fomoso Dragway in BKFD last night and I got to make a run. At first I was afraind to even get in the thing - it is a very tight fit with your knees on your chest, but a after a some help from Doug (he is therapist when he is not dreaming of a 7 sec run) I managed to go for it with respectible time (> 100 mph). This picture is of Doug giving last minute instructions and saying the The Racer's Prayer with me.

Burning House 6

Burning House 6 was by most measures, 'best ever'. The food was plentiful, the karma of the guests wonderful, the beer and especial Margaritas cold, and the music great. We had two bands and they eventually joined together. Also we a

Hippie Kareoke Contest

(each contestant sang a verse to The Weight - Bob Dylan song) which was won by that wannabe hippie Ed Fereirra.



Here is a picture of the post party band and me - not exactlly a Bill Graham event.




C-ya next week.

Sunday May 22, 2005

Cycle 9-B

Well, so far so good. A couple of weeks ago, my "numbers" were about the same, so we have cut down on one of the chemo-drugs that was suppressing my bone marrow and pressing forward.

The clots in my leg seem resolved and life is back to near normal, although last week I was sick in bed for a couple of days with what was probably an intestinal flu.

Our efforts now are to get Burning House Festival VI going. Everything seems to be falling into place.

Burning House will be a chance to introduce my grand-daughters to everyone.



See ya at Burning House!