Year End 2005

(Thats Emily Elizabeth Kennedy!)

One of my favorite poems is Carl Sandburg's FOG - and it seems that fog comes in and out of my life "on little cat feet". Christmas started well but soon the Baptist Flu* took over and variously affected all my children, 66 % of my grandchildren, Carole and me and my son-in-law. And now, the fog has traveled on. In the meantime, I had to cancel my trip with Fresno State football to Memphis - I was looking forward to some football bowl style, but I couldn't get out of bed for three days.

Having chemo once every three weeks is so different - so I hope this stabilizes things for a while, so I can enjoy more "drug free" days.

Going back to medical practice is probably not feasible in the near future, so I am at least looking at some other options and will have to make a decision in the next week or two.

So, for today, things are good. Tommorrow is another year. Happy New Year.



*The 'flu' seemed to have come home with my grand-daughter Marlee from the Baptist private school she attends, hence "Baptist" flu.

Getting Ready For Christmas

Its like night and day - getting chemo with five drugs every 3 weeks out of four, to now only one drug every three weeks. Sooo, at least for the time bieng my life is not being dictated by my chemo schedule, although it still is being limited by some side effects of the chemo (Will I have to undergo hair loss agin?)

The holidays are approaching and with all the enlarging family (three grandchildren) it is becoming more family oreinted rather than Mum's Champagne and hanging out.

Anyway, the vibe is good.

Bill

Been A Long Time

No posts since October - no news is good new they say.

A week ago we returned from 9 days in Hawai'i. We spend Thanksgiving and the week thereafter at Wailea. Wailea is sort of a Disneyland for people who make too much money or have a large credit card line. Anyway, during our vacation each day there are only four decisions: when do we go to the beach; when do we play golf, when do we shop; and where do we eat tonight. Its a pretty simple and low stress life. I was in Hawai'i during the recent losses of the Fresno State football team and although the games were braodcast nationally, I was playing golf - so I had to read about it in the Maui newspaper.

The FMLA (medical leave of absence from Clinical Practice) has been restoring and has given me enough time to get things done at the pace my illness allows.

As to my illness and treatment: good news and bad news. First the bad news - my PSA has been creeping up and not plateauing as we would have liked, so we are going to undergo a new treatment plan - single drug once every three weeks. The good news: I feel quite healthy; the new therapy does not have the toxicity of the olde therapy, the new therapy is more effective than the old therapy according to recent studies and has to be administered only one day per every three weeks. Oh yes - more hair loss but I have an abundance of hats to wear.

Whats up next - Christmas in Woodland Hills and New Years in Memphis at the wonderous Peabody Hotel (Fresno State is in the Liberty Bowl NYE).

I Made a 25 slide PowerPoint file - but I can figure out how to display it.

See you soon.

Peace and Health

A Fork In The Road

A few hours ago, I saw my last "office" patient for a few months, as I am now on an indefinite Medical Leave and looking in other directions for a while. This decision has been a time of reflection and although I do not feel 'burnt out', there is a bit of an exhaustion beyond just my health.

What I will miss the most is the special privledge of being with people on their journey. This has not changed for the past 30 years. I am just as humbled now as I was long ago. Medicine has given me rewards beyond any expectation: a wonderful opportunity to serve, a comfortable life for my family, intellectual challenges, association with some of the best people on earth, and exposure to a world I never imagined existed.

What I will not miss, is the evolution of primary care medicine into a gimmee gimmee experience, replete with greed, self-service, political correctness and manipulation. More and more patients seem to want something other than appropriate medical care: i.e. Vicodin, a written excuse to slack from work, Viagra for a lousy sex life, to stop their spouse from drinking, to get sedatives, more Vicodan, telephone Rx for antibiotics; after a while you start to feel like a well paid drug pusher. All too often, patients do not want your opinion, your concern, your medical expertise anymore than they want that from the corner drug dealer.

What perhaps is the more unpleasant gimme experience are the Insurance Companies and HMOs that seems to know better than me how to care for patients and routinely try to convince me and the patient that the cheaper drug is actually better treatment rather than the truth: that cheaper drugs mean bigger profits. Getting scans and care for my sick patients has deteriorated into a grovel and a plea on behalf of the patient. My ability to grovel seems more important than my ability to make medical decisions. I think the patient's fear that if they get a catastrophic illness, their HMO/INS company will abandon them, is a very realistic concern.

Perhaps that is why I gravitate toward senior and long-term care: these folks are the people of the greatest generation, who have nothing but gratitude. And because they have been neglected by insurance companies and the greedy medical predators, you rarely have to grovel, or make excuses, in order to provide outstanding care.

No-one particularly cares that none of my HIV patients in the last 10 years have died, that none of my arteriosclerotic or diabetic patients have been amuptated, that none of my hypertensive or diabetic patients have had to go on kidney dialysis, that all my transplant patients are alive and well - what seems to count more is my speed at Rxing the Vicodan or pulling strings to get 'em into the dermatologist for a brown spot or saving a few bucks for the HMO.

Do not get me wrong - I am extremely grateful for what has been my medical practice, but the constant 'demands' by insurance, HMOs and unhappy people eventually dulls your edge.

Hope a rest after 30 years of continuous medical practice infuses new energy. My personal philosophy is that of the Hard Rock Cafe: Love All - Serve All

Peace and Health...

Emily

Well, my grandaughter Emily is 11 days old and I have yet to hold her. Next weeknd perhaps; probably for the best as I have been out all last week due to a persistent and sapping cold-bronchitis (or as my Doctor said: at least its not pneumonia).

I finished my second week of Cycle 14 Chemotherapy without incident last Friday and am looking forward to my upcoming FMLA (MEDICAL LEAVE) from Northwest Medical Group. AFter a year of chemotherapy, I am beginning to realize that I probably can not meet my contractual obligations to NW (so many patients per hour, etc) due to the many effects and side effects of the chemo. After the FMLA, I will be looking into working at a diferent pace - perhaps less patients per hour - we will see.

I went with my brother to the Fresno State vs. New Mexico State football game in Las Cruces NM last weekend and I really noticed the fatigue factor - especially trying to stay upright thru the game in the rain.

Next weekend is the awaited trip to SoCal and Santa Barbara after completing Cycle 14.

Stay tuned.

Time For A Rest

Well the news is good. My PSA has stopped rising and actually falling after cycle 13. So there willl be no changes in the current plan, although my oncologist feels that after a year of chemotherapy, one often needs to mix it up a bit.

I have been talking with my oncologist about the need for some cutting back on my very 'workaholic' lifestyle and he and I think it is time for a rest.

So, after October 14, I will be taking a medical leave for several months. This is not because my health is failing, but a year of chemotherapy ahs taken it's toll and I need some time to get back into shape and start taking better care of myself. I will continue with the Dept of Voc Rehab and Fresno State and he sundry other projects I am involved in.

Sooo, I will be out of practice for most of the rest of the year with the hope that I can return in 2006 - rested, slimmed, relaxed and ready-2-go!

Anyway, I am very pleased with the treatment paln so far and I am looking forward to seeing the inside of fitness gym. I am also grateful beyond description for the support and concern for everyone, especailly the prayer circles!

Stay tuned!

Sunday 9-11

I am currently in the middle of Cycle 13 (or is it 14?). My chemo-doc has been on vacation for a week or so, so I get in and out on chemo day (Friday).

Nothing new to report as far as health issues other than the effects of the chemo vary week to week -- last week I had no problem playing golf on Sunday - this Sunday I was lethargic and could not get off the couch (or perhaps Steelers football has something to do with the couch syndrome).

Went to see the Eagles with bro David and Sylvia - so good.

Next weekend I have tix up front to see Carlos - this is a big dose of goodness. I joined the fan club and get tix up in front in return.


Speaking of up front - Fresno State looks like a machine - solid football and next week is going to be the test - Oregon at Oregon.

We are on the clock with the Emily Elizabeth watch.



Only real issue is fatigue - especially after grinding in the office - we will see.

Cheers....

39th Anniversary

Yesterday was our 39th wedding anniversary and I executed a suprise weekend for us.

Friday, we drove to Napa and stayed at a Bed and Breakfast called The Blue Violet Mansion. This wonderful Queen Anne Victorian is managed by a delightul man named Roger from the U.K. I highly recommend it. Here is a pic of us on the steps.



We had a great meal at Celadon!

We arranged to play a round of golf at the Chardonnay Golf Club and this was also a treat.



The big treat was a ride on the Wine Train - a 3 hour trip 30 miles up the road to St Helena aboard a 1950 domed dining car with a goumet meal and the trimmings.



Health Issues

Well, I have completed 12 cycles of chemotherapy (that's 36 days laying in the chair with infusions being pumped into you) and I am a heck of a lot better than when I started. The exact 'cocktail' has been adjusted on and off and it may need some further tweaking, but I am grateful.

I am thankful for my family and friends for the support and encouragement. I am also thankful to those at work who have allowed me extra time off and have been tolerant of some of the accomdoations a cancer patient may need. For those folks who are not tolerant, what can I say.

Whats Next

Well, the countdown has begun until it is time be a be a grand-dad again (can you believe 4 weeks!), Hawaii is coming up in a few months and oh-yes - Vegoose in Vegas for Halloween.

Talk to you later.

Saturday - August 6

Well Here is An Update

I have been off chemo for 13 days and I pretty much feel detoxed. Today I reviewed my numbers: the PSA has a creepy but the PAP is down. The PP is the most accurate way to telling bone porgression so we are sticking to the game plan: estramustane X 3 days, Kytril/Decadron/Zoadronic acid/Taxol/Zoldaex/Procrit. Overall I feel pretty good. No medical marijuana YET!

Home

Went to SB last weeknd for Stevie Nick (old chicks rule), golf with Peter and birthday in West Hills.

Went to Rubys in LA for a Marlee birthday - Grace had a good time!



Business

Work is the same. I got a real big cake for my birthday. The Execx Committe had a party to discuss my

Hunter Thomspon

attitude but I have been asked to not talk about it unless you have an MDity degree - but it is kind of cute. As Hunter said: I don't advocate sex, drugs, violence, and insanity but it sure worked for me.

Well the course is set for the next three weeks...

Parting Comments:

"When life seems like easy street, there is dnager on your door" Garcia/Hunter

"You know it takes a lot to win and even more to lose; yuou and I got to spend some time deciding whch to choose. Don't you you gottas watch you cards and play them slow... Garcia/Hunter

Love all

Grace and Fan Club

Cycle XII (12) - July 08, 2005

Cycle 11 is done - 12 started today.

Starting my 34th Treatment Day- Yikes.

Nothing to report on my 'numbers' other than I am anemic still, but my PSA and other scary things won't be in until next week. I have had last weekend off so I was able to go to High Sierra for a 5 night weekend and have a real good time - Grandkids, Daughter and hubby, wonderful brother Dave and his Mrs., -->> 2 days Playing Golf at Graeagle and of course - The Music.

Nothing much else is new, hence no blog additions as I do not want to bore you. Actually, my health appears so good that people are starting to treat me as a slacker (my medical group wonders why I don't work more - ANS: I have been getting toxic and lethal drugs that knock the mierda out or you for a few days). Probably a good sign - I don't look like I have a fatal illness.


At High Sierra, we stayed a few minutes drive south of Quincy (which is 60 miles north of Truckee) at the Long Valley Resort - we stayed in Cabin 11 with Beth and family. We had two generous bedrooms, full kitchen, dining area, LR, 2 baths, a a covered front porch with chairs, table and BBGril. We hated to leave the premises. If you are thinking of going to High Sierra next year and don't want to camp with people on Acid at 3 am screaming "Theres bats in my tent and I can't feel my testicles", think about Long Valley.

At Long Valley, cell phones do not work, horses are in the pasture, the other guests are really friendly and you are in a golf Mecca; the managers are quality A++ people.

On the home front, Marlee's birthday is coming up (July 29th), Jen is having a baby shower for Emily (still in the pouch), and my birthday is early Aug. My kids are getting older - just think: Thomas Jefferson wrote the

Declaration of Independence

when he was 2 years younger than my daughter Beth.

Bye for now -

PS Want to find out who your true friends are: get cancer or go to jail - you will be suprised both ways.

Remember - Love All - Serve All

June 11, 2004

Chemo Update - Cycle 10-A

We seem to be on a 'run' since my biological markers (PSA) are the lowest they have been in a year and: my hair is back, my bone marrow needs less support and my recovery time each week is more tolerable! Onward and upward, although sitting in a doctors ofice with a needle in your arm for 5 hours weekly for 10 months seems to be a little tiring.

In Other News

Last night I got to fulfill a dream of a life time - it was the most fun I have had in the last 31 years with my clothes on! My friend Doug Noble, has gasoline in his veins and motor oil in his spinal fluid and now has a Kellson drag car with a nice Chevy engine with the trimmings. We went to Fomoso Dragway in BKFD last night and I got to make a run. At first I was afraind to even get in the thing - it is a very tight fit with your knees on your chest, but a after a some help from Doug (he is therapist when he is not dreaming of a 7 sec run) I managed to go for it with respectible time (> 100 mph). This picture is of Doug giving last minute instructions and saying the The Racer's Prayer with me.

Burning House 6

Burning House 6 was by most measures, 'best ever'. The food was plentiful, the karma of the guests wonderful, the beer and especial Margaritas cold, and the music great. We had two bands and they eventually joined together. Also we a

Hippie Kareoke Contest

(each contestant sang a verse to The Weight - Bob Dylan song) which was won by that wannabe hippie Ed Fereirra.



Here is a picture of the post party band and me - not exactlly a Bill Graham event.




C-ya next week.

Sunday May 22, 2005

Cycle 9-B

Well, so far so good. A couple of weeks ago, my "numbers" were about the same, so we have cut down on one of the chemo-drugs that was suppressing my bone marrow and pressing forward.

The clots in my leg seem resolved and life is back to near normal, although last week I was sick in bed for a couple of days with what was probably an intestinal flu.

Our efforts now are to get Burning House Festival VI going. Everything seems to be falling into place.

Burning House will be a chance to introduce my grand-daughters to everyone.



See ya at Burning House!

Saturday April 30, 2005

Cycle 8-C (End of Cycle)

Well, I have completed 8 months of chemotherapy and things have changed quite a bit. The highlights (and lowlights):

1. My PSA has gone into a regression (remission?) status.
2. My hair disappeared and reappeared looking like a professor.
3. My toes are numb - actually feels tingly good!
4. I feel punk all the time due to low blood count, but that is the way most of my patients tell me they feel.
5. I had blood clots in my leg with resultant swelling but the hi-tech clot busters
have resolved that.

Anyway I am grateful and very pleased to be at this point.

In other happenings:

My daughter and my grandchildren spent a week in Fresno and I got to take my gdaughter to see The Wiggles and Blues Clues. Now Marlee wants to move to Fresno!

Here they are:



Also, they came and woke me up one morning - don't tell Tom Sneden.



Finally, we have a new addition to our house - his name is Django!!! He is delightful.




Whats next - I don't know but next week is the off week and in two weeks I will have more info.

Happy Mother's Day. Here is Steve with his Mom and Grandparents

Friday-Saturday mid April 2005

Big Day


From the beginning of the cruise my left leg swelled much larger than the right.
Although clots are a complication, I have been taking rat poison (d-con---warfarin) in low does, so I thought I was low risk.

Well the airline trip was lots of sitting and thats where it started. During the Cruise Carole Kennedy RM MSN wrapped me with corform-ACE bandage which seemed to help, but mostly I ignored it.

Anyway, an Ultrasound today of the leg showed clots in two calf veins (Popliteal and Peroneal) but both are starting to recanalize indicating its been ahwile.




Well this is good news and bad news.

Good News

* I have a curable condition
* There are a number of compression sox to make it better
* Can lie and get out of work (just kiddin')
* Can get a temp disabled sticker

Bad News

* Hads to miss the moe. show in Ventura (can have long car rides.
* Have to take shots for 10 days to disolve the clots
* Have to stay on higher doses of the rat posion for 6 months
* May need one of those Alert bracelets
* Do to bleeding, have to avoid fist fights, gunshot wounds, rock climbing, and
skydiving

Otherwise, the chemo continues (Cycle 8). My numbers are good:

- Prostate numbers have stabilized low
- Blood counts almost normal

Ovwerall this is not a setback but a change of plans. The scary part is over - flipping a clot to my lungs and having to go to the Jamaica Ganga Hospital for treatment.

Grace Ann and her family are coming up this week and that will cheer me up.

Finally, I am trying to get a Burning House Festival for May 29 Sunday. I need feedback. e-amil or leave comments on the blog.

Ta Ta

Tuesday - April 12 - 2005

Post Cruise Greetings

Well - 10 days on the

Dawn Princess

in the Caribean does wonders for you (as well as your waistline). We stopped at Princess Cay (private beach), St Thomas, St. Martin, Jamaica, Grand Cayman, Cozumel-Mexico.

I won't bore you with the details, but a real highlight was racing the Stars and Stripes - Dennis Conner's boat that won the America's Cup. Check out the website.

No chemo for over two weeks feels great - we will find out in a few days - what next.

Here is a pic from one of the "formal nights".

.

Click for more Cruise Pics.

C-ya

March 25, 2005

<

Cycle 7-C (End of Cycle)

Well - Cycle 7 is done. This cycle, my platelets have hovered around the "are you feeling lucky" status and my oncologist has not been feeling lucky so we have cut out the Carbo-plantin - but conintued the rest of the cocktail - and things are going well. However, I acquired another upper respiratory infection (unable to work until Wednesday)which has me on the ibuprofen and 12 hour sleep binges. Today, I seems to have got beyond it.

Two weekends ago, we went to visit the grandchildren and Grace Anne is just a wonderous child.




Our good friend Laura came down to see her hubby play at the Troubadour and paid a visit to us (Marlee to Laura: "I think you oughta relax on the tattoos!")
.

Our Caribean Cruise Adventure on Princess begins Tuesday when we leave for Ft Lauderdale to sail out 3/30 - 10 days.

I will do a couple posts from the ship.

Until then...ta-ta

Friday, March 11, 2005

Cycle 7-A

Last week, we had to cancel the chemo because my platelets were 52,000 (normal = 150,000 - 400,000)so I have had a chance to bounce back to pretty near normal.

This Wednesday I went over my most recent lab with the DOC and now my platelets are up and today have gone up 2 1/2 times what they were two weeks ago (there is no approved drug to boost them although AMGEN is working on it).

Best news is my PSA is now down to near normal (lowest its been in a year) showing that for the time being we have put the cancer to sleep.

So - everything is coming up roses.



In other news, my new grandaughter - Grace Anne - brought her family up from West Hills to visit us in Fresno last week and it was a joyous time: we went to the Fresno Met Museum to see Grossology - where the nasty stuff comes from (snot, vomit, diahreea, farts, and zits). Actually its an interactive fun house kind of exhibit (if you like to crawl inside noses and colons!)

Grace also took us to Sierra Summit for some snow play Saturday.

This weekend we are in West Hills to Grace-sit so Beth can get out to celebrate her birthday at Roy's.

Next week March Madness gets going - if you have not been invited to my bracket contest, go to the link or let me know at: (yem@qnis.net).

C-ya

February 19, 2005

West Hills, California

Cycle 6-B

It's Prez Day weekend and I am with my grandchildren and family in SOCal - feels like the tropics with all the rain. I am glad to get out of Fresno where Coach Stacy Johnson-Klein has given the Fresno Bee an opportunity to compete with The Enquirer and come up a scandal du jour.

Chemo went without a hitch except that my platelets have dipped; as my oncologist said: we can't keep this up forever - eventually your bone marrow will not tolerate a lot of carboplatin. But it also may be an opportunity to take a break from chemo for a while and give everything a rest. We will deciding in the next couple of weeks.

My hair contiues to grow - not enough to visit the stylist yet, but clearly a change in appearance.

Adios...

February 13, 2005

Cycle Six

I read in the Fresno Bee (my favorite source of medical misinformation), that there is an influenza called the 'California Flu' that is so mutated that the flu shots do not protect you from it. In retrospect that is what probably laid Carole and myself up in bed for a week and delayed last week's chemo. Not to worry, I am now strong enough to press on.

Friday we did Cycle 6-A without a hitch (so far). All the numbers look good and my marrow is holding its own and my head hair is starting spurt out a bit.

I have been going to a tanning salon to abort the comments from patients about "looking sick" - the result of the anemia - now I look like Palm Springs Bill.

Anyway, all is well and it will be off the West Hills and Santa Barbara to celebrate Prez Daze next weekend.

My grandchildren:



Bill

Feburary 4, 2005

For the past week, Carole and I have been locked down with a viral illness: malaise, aches, fever & chills, obnoxious cough, and no appetite (I lost 7 pounds). Today, for a change, I felt much better.

I went to the Oncologist to start Cycle 6 and got good news: my numbers are the best they have been for 8 months. However, the illness has driven my WBC count down to 2200 (Normal = 6000), I am still sweating and coughing, so it was decided to defer a week - so no chemo this week (safety first).

My hair seems to be growing some, but I would not describe it as a main event - people still do not recognize me and I still have taken to wearing funny hats.

Anyway, I suppose the overall vibe is good.

Bill

Feb 1, 2004

"That which does not kill me, makes me stronger"
- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)

Well, I finished my last chemo of Cycle V (V-C) without incident and headed to LA on the train to see my new grand-daughter. She is beautiful and although everyone describes her as a "good" baby, I think of her as low maintenence - she eats, poops, smiles at grandpa and sleeps.

Here is a picture of Carole and our grandchildren:



I am feeling well and am scheduled to resume my treatments this week - perhaps Cycle 6 - who knows.

Carole and I signed up for a 10 day Caribean cruise in early April after Easter and that should be a good time.

Right now, everything is coming up roses - I hope I have the time to smell them!

Cheers

Saturday January 15, 2005

Well, the news this week is not about my tribulations, but the arrival Thursday of my Grand-daughter: Grace Ann Hazelton. She weighed in crying at 7'3" and she is now home with her family in West Hills. Here she is:



The chemo went fine - the nubmers are good and my body and mind seem to have adjusted to the routine. I was planning on going to LA after the chemo but I-5 was one lane south and 101 closed. Next weekend for sure.

C-ya

Friday January 7, 2005

Well, I am finally back on track with news to report.

But first, New Year's Eve was wonderful. Carole and I went to Erna's Elderberry House with Dave and Laura for a magical nite of Erna's super-party. Our friend Josh Harlan (Cynthia's son) is a cook/chef there and spent some time with us and showed us the kitchen where most of the magic happens. Here is a dinner pic:




Now for the update. When I showed up for Cycle IV - C, my bone marrow was asleep (platelets 56,000), my oncologist on the beach in Kauai, and the nurses and dox at the Cancer Center thought it best we hold off until my marrow fired up agian. So I took 2 weeks off and now my platelts are 140K + so its onto Cycle V - A. Things went very well. Not a shiver!

For Christmas, my children gave me a super I-pod, and it is clearly the Lexus of players - not just for teenagers. I can see why they can't keep them in stock despite their "rent payment" price. I listend to the moe. show on the Grandstand this year at Quincy and the NYE show in Denver with YMSB. If anyone wants copies of these shows on CD, let me know.

Other good news. After cutting short the chemo and taking off an extra week, I figured my PSA would keep rising, but it dropped 25 %; so everythng is coming up roses!

Remember: World peace begins with turn signals.

Bill